sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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