you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
