Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
