i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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