I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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