I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
