I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
