i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
