I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
