you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
