Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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