Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
