I am puke
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
