ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
