what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
