for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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