sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
