I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
