dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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