I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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