dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
