dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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