The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
