So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Blood and glitter go together right?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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