it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
