The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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