I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
