Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have post one night stand depression
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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