Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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