I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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