what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
