8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
