you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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