Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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