How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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