I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
