I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
