1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize