I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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