He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
