Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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