so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
