Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My life is pants optional.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
