i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
