but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
