There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
