whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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