so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
