I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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