Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I bet he comes in French.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
