just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
