my vag is so smooth its legendary
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
