Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
