you lied. pity sex is amazing.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
