Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
