I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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