I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
