it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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