Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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