Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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