So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
